btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
