Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize