apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
