READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
