Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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