i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
no, he came in my armpit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
