Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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