dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
