One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
