The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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