out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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