bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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