Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
