I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
