dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm like, not good at living.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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