Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
