So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
