Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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