Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
