Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i drank out of a bidet.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
