Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
