In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
