I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
