So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
