Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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