on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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