oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
4 words: hood of his car
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize