He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
