Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
