You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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