NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
