She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
