So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Randomize
