Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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