My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
