I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
