I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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