i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
