this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
