I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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