If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
