Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
