think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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