i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
