You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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