How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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