some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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