If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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