The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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