the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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