She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
