Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
