wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
