We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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