i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
