Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
