I wannas sexs uuuuu
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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