i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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