East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
