I got chris browned last night
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This baby is an asshole
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
