I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
