Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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