What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
